Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Reds Fan Checklist After Loss

  1. Completely blame Reds hitters for lack of offense without ever acknowledging the fact that sometimes opposing pitchers can be really good.
  2. Make bold general statements that don't jive with statistics about how (insert player) needs work and maybe we should send him down to AAA. 
  3. Tweet angrily at Dallas Latos who has nothing to do with the games.
  4. Declare the season lost.
  5. Lament the Reds lack of bunting skills despite statistics that show bunting lowers the chances of scoring a run.
  6. Propose a completely unrealistic trade in which the Reds give up 3 players who have absolutely no value and receive a future Hall of Famer.
  7. Tweet more angry hateful things at Dallas Latos.
  8. Make several statements of regret regarding past trades the Reds have made.
  9. Blame the umpires.
  10. Call for hitting coach's job on nights Reds don't hit well.
  11. Call for pitching coach's job on nights Reds don't pitch well.
  12. Call for Dusty Baker's job every night.
  13. Blame a bench player who struck out in his only at-bat of the game, even though the rest of the lineup fared no better.
  14. Complain about the batting order as if place a batter in a certain position in the batting order magically makes him an All-Star.
  15. Call for minor league prospect to be called up from A ball.
  16. Make anecdotal reference to (insert player) who has done nothing this year, without bothering to visit to check if you're right.
  17. Ask John Fay a stupid question that could be looked up easily by typing the same thing into a Google search.
  18. Ask Jamie Ramsey if (insert player) is being negatively affected by his at-bat music.
  19. Tweet something to Dallas Latos, again blaming the loss on her.
  20. Overreact to every loss as if it is the end of the world. Don't acknowledge any of the games in which the Reds have looked good, don't give the players time to perform, don't let anyone talk you out of it.
We're only 23 games into the season, but that gives us 139 more opportunities to use this list

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